Weeding out the Negative –

So I mentioned it before, I am a book worm. I have a huge collection of self help books because that’s what I enjoy (I will gladly analyze you free of charge, lol). I not only like to figure out why I’m feeling or acting a certain way, but I also want to know why others are.

One of my most favorite books ever is Safe People: How to Find Relationships That Are Good For You, and Avoid Those That Aren’t; by Henry Cloud and John Towsend. Now this dynamic duo has written quite a few awesome books including the Boundaries series (including one for kids!)

But Safe People is an awesome book for those of you who are unsure how, (or even who) to weed out of your life. I have always been (up until recently that is) been a person who really cares what others think about me. I would honestly work hard trying to get the person who I thought didn’t like me, or who I offended, or who was always saying negative things, to like me, accept me, forgive me…  I would go out of my way for people who could care less about me.  One thing I have learned is you can never make everyone happy with you all of the time; especially those who refuse to be happy with themselves.

When you read Safe People you’ll learn quite a few things:

•   Correct things within you that jeopardize your relationship security
• Learn the 20 traits of unsafe people
• Recognize what makes people trustworthy
• Avoid unhealthy relationships
• Form positive relationships
• Become a safer person yourself

This is not a book that you can read once, and walk away with a doctorate in ‘reading’ people. I have had this book for over 10 years and a few times I year I break it out to read it again, complete with my highlighted chapters, folded pages, and notes in the corner. This is the Bible of relationships. You will be amazed at what you learn.Now some of the big issues it seems like I deal with on a daily basis (especially in this wonderful word of cyber space) is people being ‘offended’.  Now I am a firm believer that if you are a person who is easily offended that this is not your offenders fault. Why, you ask?? Because the offender 99% of the time doesn’t realize they’ve offended you. 
People let themselves be offended. It isn’t like a gag reflex that can’t be avoided. The act of being offended is YOUR choice. When you choose to be offended and let something ruin your day, or go all crazy and get upset, you are giving it power over you. If you want to willingly give over the power to control you – go ahead –  feel offended and distressed.  But just so you know you are letting someone who probably doesn’t even realize they offended you, CONTROL YOU.