Nancy Sinatra sang a song a number of years ago that opened with “We got married in a fever, hotter than a pepper sprout” and went on to bemoan the fact that the fire went out. Yes, a too hot fire will burn itself out quickly; the secret is to have a strong fuel source to keep the fire burning, slowly and consistently. The same is true of a long, happy marriage. How to achieve this? Read on.
Make sure you know the person you are marrying
There is no magic formula to this; sometimes you can know and understand someone almost immediately, and sometimes it takes a while. But in your heart of hearts, make sure that you truly understand the person that you have decided to be with for the rest of your life.
But, believe in love at first sight
There is such a thing as chemistry and often we know right away that someone is going to be special. This doesn’t mean that you still can’t take the time to learn about them, and savor the time it takes to gain this knowledge; it just means you confirm what you already knew.
Give more than you get
This is so easy in the beginning, and the real secret is to keep it going. We all love to shower love and attention on the objects of our affection. The problem is when we let the every day world start to interfere and we take out our problems on those we love. Make a special point of remembering how your love felt in the beginning, when there was nothing you wouldn’t do for your beloved.
Marry someone you love to talk to
Yes, the fire does go out, or at least it just smolders after a few years. Love, laughter, great conversations, shared experiences and affection will keep that fire glowing for a long time.
Have a sense of humor
We are all human, and we all do and say stupid things from time to time. Stop taking yourself, your spouse and your relationship so seriously. In the middle of a “heated discussion”, you may want to consider thinking about how silly the argument is in the first place (if you can even remember what it was about).
Say “I love you” a lot
And mean it. Hollywood stars have made it so trite to “muah” and say Love you! to anyone they meet, but a real expression of love and affection, especially at crucial times like after a hard day’s work, or rough day with the kids, is the true glue of a strong marriage.
Don’t be afraid to show your love
And don’t just say it, show it. Even those thoroughly opposed to PDA (Public Displays of Affection) will appreciate that certain look, that pat on the hand, that special smile that says “I am with you all the way
Fight fair
It is naïve to believe that happily married couples do not fight, but they fight fair. No name calling, no bringing up the relatives, no bringing up old fights and especially, no involving others, especially the children.
Don’t let a fight become a battle
If you love one another, you will make sure that no argument can so out of control that it can’t be settled. Once the shouting or the tears start, it is time to call a truce and reexamine what is going on. One partner may have to swallow his or her pride and back down. A good marriage is worth it.
Respect one another
Even though this is the last secret, it is the basis for all of the others. People who respect each other respect each other’s opinions, and can therefore disagree calmly, respect each other’s person and can therefore show affection and understanding, and respect each other’s personalities and therefore can have fun and enjoy one another.
Darren writes on many topics including technology, free people search, social media and social networks.
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