Growing Pains: How To Handle A Boy’s Early Teens

The early teenage years of both boys and girls can be difficult for everyone concerned. With mood swings, hormonal changes, and a desire for independence, things can become tense. But it doesn’t have to be that way. While some amount of “butting heads” and power struggling is perhaps inevitable, things can always be improved. For teenage boys in particular, the most serious difficulty can often be communication. By trying to empathize with our children and their changes, we can stay relaxed, helpful, and of genuine benefit. Not only are we likely to reduce their stress but also our own. Try to stay patient with both yourself and them. Do not expect things to be perfect or flawless but work in small steps towards making things manageable. With a bit of effort and understanding, you can support your teenager and avoid unnecessary hassle.

Communicate

It is perhaps particularly difficult for teenage boys to communicate their feelings. They are often encouraged from an early age to see discussing problems as weakness, especially by peers and the media. The “strong silent type” image has arguably done a lot of damage. The strong desire to communicate is tempered by the feeling of somehow admitting defeat. Many males can quickly slip into depression and anxiety if they feel they cannot communicate. To help avoid future problems, encourage your son to communicate openly. Even if you don’t like what you hear, try your best to acknowledge his courage both to him and yourself. Then work together towards a solution. Rather than always expecting him to communicate also, show him how it’s done. Discuss your own problems and concerns. Involve him in decisions and thought-processes. If he believes his input and thoughts are respected and valid, he is more likely to feel confident enough to communicate them.

Grooming

Boys in their early teens are often surprisingly self-conscious about their looks. Changes in skin, hair, and body odor can be startling and even embarrassing for them. Take your cue from him when it comes to grooming. Ask him if there is anything he would like or need. If he seems embarrassed then maybe take the initiative. Give body sprays and an affordable safety razor as a gift, for example, or leave them in easy reach in the bathroom. Encourage him to notice what his father uses too, to normalize the process. He can then either follow suit or ask for something he prefers. Taking a little more control over their appearance can help them feel relaxed, confident and grown up. Be as sensitive as possible and allow him to lead the discussion if you bring it up.

Independence

It is common for young boys to want to spend more and more time with their friends. If you have concerns about their activities but would still like them to socialize, consider doing it together. Why not take a day trip and encourage him to invite his friends? If there is a sleepover or movie night, why not have it at your home the first few times so you can supervise? Balance his desires with your own and you will both begin to feel more confident.