It seems lately I have been having a harder and harder time battling my inner demons. I often wonder why I cannot be that fun out going person I was between the age of 18 and 20. It seems as I get older my anxiety gets worse. I am slowly starting to forget things, and when it comes time to make those phone calls I panic.
The anxiety I have I wish on no body, it seems lately I have been having attack after attack and when I take a xanax for it, it only last a little while before I have another one. Small things are triggering them, and I am to my wits end.
Have you ever felt so hopeless in your own body? Sure I am trying to live healthier, and I am working out daily, I would have thought this would have helped some. But it hasn’t, as I sit here and type this, my stomach is turning. It is often hard for me to discuss the issues I have with my loved ones, I have only just recently really opened up to my husband.
We have been together for 12 years now, and it wasn’t until almost 7 months ago, he actually learned how bad my issues really are. I don’t want to be like this, I don’t want to be scared of the world around me. I don’t want to feel the way I feel. I just want to be normal, I want to be able to enjoy live with my family, not be a coward to drive in the city.
I often feel as though I have failed my family in so many ways, I wish I could learn to control my anxiety. I know one day my anxiety will be to blame for my death, and that right there scares me. Living with anxiety is like living in your own hell, there is no escape.