They Say All Things Happen For A Reason

But do they really? Or do we tell ourselves that to help lessen the hurt. For the past 7 months or so my life has been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I cannot really go into details on the blog, like they say somethings are better left unsaid. I sometimes find myself questioning the saying many say. I have always been a strong believer of all things happening for a reason.

Sometimes though it’s hard as hell to keep that faith.It’s hard as hell to think God would put so much on one person; I will admit, I have been at my breaking point a few times. I have been to the point I am ready to say fuck it all… (yes, I said that word.) Being a parent is hard work, you don’t only have yourself to think about, you have those that you helped create!

Sometimes I wonder if I am still in my postpartum from having my daughter 10 years ago. When she was 2 I was diagnosed with manic depression. I didn’t want to believe it so never took the meds. As my daughter got older anxiety started to kick in. If you have anxiety you know what I mean. My anxiety is extremely bad, and at times it is really hard to be normal. When I was diagnosed with anxiety, I was asked about depression. I lied, I told her I was fine and didn’t feel depressed. Truth is, I am depressed 90% of the time.

She could tell by my actions I was not being honest, I still have yet to tell her I was diagnosed with manic depression 8 years ago.

I am now on anti depressants, as well as a strong dose of my anxiety meds, I am hoping with time I will start to feel normal. I just am ready for God to stop throwing me those damn curve balls, and let me have a break.